Helvetica

Helvetica is evil. She walks around like she owns the whole world. Helvetica has long, straight, fiery red hair that falls to the middle of her back. Her eyes are green, and they could easily pierce right through you. Her skin; pale. Pale as snow. She seems to get everything she wants. She can't be wrong. If you enter a conversation including Helvetica, you'd better be careful. She will tear you apart verbally. There is nothing special about Helvetica, she just knows how to manipulate people she is surrounded by. I pity the fool that believes in her fake first impression. She'll make you think she's trustworthy, but the next day, she will leave you in the dust. One time, Helvetica was watching the Philadelphia Flyers game, and demanded that everyone who was not sporting apparel from the flyers to leave the room, because "they couldn't be real fans if they weren't even wearing flyers gear". I mean seriously. Isn't she lovely?

Helvetica is an only child. God forbid she had siblings to actually share things with. Both of her parents are doctors, making it very easy for her to gain access to monetary needs. Needs of hers include: cruises (1 every season, 3 per year), manicures and pedicures, a new trashy coach purse to go a long with her bebe wardrobe, flyers gear, and any other thing her dear heart desires. She has an opinion for everything. Be prepared to be challenged by her with everything you say.

Some choose to stand up for themselves, only to find that they have lost a few friends due to things that Helvetica has told them. If you sit at Helvetica’s lunch table, you’d better be prepared to play by her rules. Those rules being, you can’t eat more than a salad in front of anyone, you can only dress down one day of the week (and it better not be Friday), always pink on Mondays, and you must always be on Helvetica’s side in an argument. Oh, and if you go close to her ex-boyfriend (whom she broke up with 2 years ago), be ready to have your head torn off.

Helvetica is not someone to pursue. You are better off by simply never crossing paths with her in the first place. Once you start with Helvetica, it is nearly impossible to stop.

A Modest Proposal

A Modest Proposal

Jonathan Swift's, 'A Modest Proposal' is otherwise known as, 'A Modest Proposal for preventing the children of Poor People in Ireland from Being a Burden to Their Parents or Country and for Making them Beneficial to the Public.'
Swift wrote the proposal in 1729, during the potato famine in Ireland. There were problems with overpopulation, poverty, crime, and on top of everything, Ireland was under the bloody rule of Great Britain.
Swift decided to write this proposal in a satirical way, making subtle stabs at the British government and policies. Not only did he mock the British rule, he sarcastically poked fun of the views on the heartless attitudes towards the poor population in Ireland. All of Ireland's problems were being blames on the poor, including the entire famine of the country.
Swift's 'idea' to make everything better was to have parents fatten up their babies by age one, making them incredibly delectable meats that could either be stewed, roasted, baked, or broiled. Swift even made economic projections that had the parents selling their babies to the landlords and owners of Ireland, selling them for money so that they wouldnt grow up to be an upsetting member of the commonwealth. Swift even included a few recipes for the meats to be sold.

While he was absolutely being satirical in his ideas, some had a hard time believing swift was kidding. The soul purpose of the proposal was to make light of the situation, including mocking the ways of the British Rule.
"For this kind of commodity will not bear exportation, and flesh being of too tender a consistence, to admit a long continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name a country, which would be glad to eat up our whole nation without it." Swift included this in his proposal to do just that.


While I would have a hard time understanding this proposal if it were not for having previous knowledge of the background of it all, I still enjoy reading it. I think that it has a lot of influence on modern day including acts from Saturday night live.