Helvetica

Helvetica is evil. She walks around like she owns the whole world. Helvetica has long, straight, fiery red hair that falls to the middle of her back. Her eyes are green, and they could easily pierce right through you. Her skin; pale. Pale as snow. She seems to get everything she wants. She can't be wrong. If you enter a conversation including Helvetica, you'd better be careful. She will tear you apart verbally. There is nothing special about Helvetica, she just knows how to manipulate people she is surrounded by. I pity the fool that believes in her fake first impression. She'll make you think she's trustworthy, but the next day, she will leave you in the dust. One time, Helvetica was watching the Philadelphia Flyers game, and demanded that everyone who was not sporting apparel from the flyers to leave the room, because "they couldn't be real fans if they weren't even wearing flyers gear". I mean seriously. Isn't she lovely?

Helvetica is an only child. God forbid she had siblings to actually share things with. Both of her parents are doctors, making it very easy for her to gain access to monetary needs. Needs of hers include: cruises (1 every season, 3 per year), manicures and pedicures, a new trashy coach purse to go a long with her bebe wardrobe, flyers gear, and any other thing her dear heart desires. She has an opinion for everything. Be prepared to be challenged by her with everything you say.

Some choose to stand up for themselves, only to find that they have lost a few friends due to things that Helvetica has told them. If you sit at Helvetica’s lunch table, you’d better be prepared to play by her rules. Those rules being, you can’t eat more than a salad in front of anyone, you can only dress down one day of the week (and it better not be Friday), always pink on Mondays, and you must always be on Helvetica’s side in an argument. Oh, and if you go close to her ex-boyfriend (whom she broke up with 2 years ago), be ready to have your head torn off.

Helvetica is not someone to pursue. You are better off by simply never crossing paths with her in the first place. Once you start with Helvetica, it is nearly impossible to stop.